While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
