trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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