I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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