if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
