I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
