Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
