Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
