Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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