how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
