i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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