Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
