I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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