Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
