Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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