are you still at the devil's house?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
