Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
