You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
