My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
