Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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