Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
