They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
