i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
