he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
