we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
