I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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