god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
