Sponge bath it is.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
