My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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