So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
