You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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