I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
