He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
