i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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