had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
