P.S. I can't hear my feet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
