Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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