i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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