hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
