at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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