True but thats because hes a fetus.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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