How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
