My room smells like vodka and shame
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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