Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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