In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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