so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
