I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
