the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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