i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
