so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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