he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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