Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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