how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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